Sunday, July 17, 2005
i'm disturbed.
-we're disturbed, we're disturbed,
we're the most disturbed.
like we're psychologic'ly DISTOIBED.
i wish i could stop digressing so easily. it's quite frightening how the electrical impulses in my brain can diverge into so many branches so quickly.
so readily.
so RETARDEDLY(:
i just realised that there's a mosquito romping around me now.
and i've found 7 bites already... and there she is still sitting on my leg.
drink away, skeeter girl. (sk8ter boi's girlfriend) just don't pass me dengue and i'll not kill you.
i should eat some tabasco sauce. haha. then there'll be a pretty display of fireworks around me.
don't have to waste time watching ndp.
!!! die. this kind of cowtitude how to get into the airforce. okay better go continue studying.
happy tree day.
4:26 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
i'm probably the world's biggest walking idiot..
i'm sorry!!!
sigh. so stupid of me. sorry for distracting you.
don't be sad. (:
9:56 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Sunday, July 10, 2005
hear ye.
fate just spoke to me through my pillow, and said that i would not sleep in peace today.
but destiny will triumph over fate, and i
will find sleep. upon my word, i declare that i have identified the fragment of thought that stands between me and my sleep.
she is. the monster i met on the train.
YOU SEE. i was thirsty hungry and dying on the way back yesterday, cos for some sadistic reason, the teachers in crescent obviously made a mass resolution at the beginning of the week to deprive sec4 students of as much food and rest as possible.
one of their battle plans were to pile us with work and tests. but we triumphed over that adversity and emerged very much alive, so they tried instead to use up our lunch periods based on strange excuses such as "you will not leave the classroom until everyone has handed in blabla"
so i had barely a drop of nutrient in me by the end of the day la. cos i don't go for recess. and i went with shan to photocopy some geog worksheets for the people who lost them..
so after school. on the way back.
got some green tea at redhill. stared at it delightfully, but my joy was short lived because we had to quickly move up to catch the train. so gotta wait a few more minutes.
finally. on the train, i took a sip and closed my eyes in escatsy as the relief of having something osmosize into me after a long day of starvation drowned me. it felt as if i were on wings, floating up to the sky. -suddenly
"you're not supposed to drink green tea here. you should know that yourself." this grubby woman monster said. i was baffled. i stared at her in mock horror.
firstly. if i had transferred the drink into an opaque bottle, my drinking the drink would not have been questioned. so having scolded me for letting her see that i was drinking tea instead of what she knows as holy water, the woman is conclusively judging the our inability to spend the time and energy and money on expensive sport bottles for the shallow sake of hiding the fact that we are drinking more effective thirst quenchers on the train.
secondly, if we had been a group of boys instead of girls, the likelihood of her making such a fuss over my apparent misdeed would have been much smaller. why? because it's easier to bully smaller looking people of the weaker gender. considering the case that her efforts to have a child that could preserve her husband's bloodline were futile, causing her to she feel the uncanny need to vent her frustration onto unsuspecting and less compatible targets, it is very clear that this woman has committed a serious misdeed herself. if she hates the sight of children, then that's another story.
which brings me to my next point.
her generation of women started the plea of liberation after having benefited from the then ineffective singapore education system. i want to have the satisfaction of a successful career too, they all thought. the men can always get pregnant instead of us. we don't always have to give way to God's plan of our fruitful multiplication. so we will all have one point four six children, and no more.
and because of people like this monster on the train, who cares more for her career than her kids IF even existent (from the fact that it was after 6pm when we got on the train), our longsuffering generation of pathetic children will grow up to higher tax rates and lower bonuses. because a large portion of our money will go towards sustaining the lives of the previous generation who refused to contribute towards the replenishing of the only natural resource singapore has. so much for being morally upright. go home and bring me 5 baby monsters, and maybe i'll never bring anything but water on a train anymore.
i, unlike you, have done my part as a citizen of our country. i helped this amah carry her heavy plastic bags from the mrt to a taxi stand just this wednesday. and because of the monster i met on the train, i have decided never to ever take trains home again. this way she has impeded a citizen from lending a helpful hand to our society. and this new statistic will last everyday until i die.
so not only has she created a very bad impression on the young and vulnerable future breadwinners of singapore, she also contributed towards making life harder to bear for many amahs taking our trains.
such a disgrace. i don't take advice from this kind of people. auntie monster.
ehh. still not sleepy. haiyo.
many happy returns of the night.
12:06 AM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Saturday, July 09, 2005
i've learnt how to speak south african! (:
ingonyama nengw' enamabaala. means "there's a lion and a tiger."
and sithi uhhmm, ingonyama neng'w enamabaala is "oh yes, it's a lion and a tiger."
hoye. now i'm ready to start galavanting all the way to the land of the sand where there's always nothing around the bend.
so thrilled. i'm practically leaping for joy la.
it's so hot now. i want to pluck all my hair out.
1.2.
1:53 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Friday, July 08, 2005
gazing before her, dawn's rosy fingers barely peeked over the horizon, hardly illuminating the dark sky. the once alive streets were now abandoned, and the twinkling lights were now extinguished. last night's rain had drowned the cobblestone streets, leaving a glistening film for the morn.
9:10 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++
Monday, July 04, 2005
eyebags came back this afternoon. they were hideous. glaring.
mocking. mortifying.
okay, maybe it doesn't look that bad. but if they don't go away by wednesday, i'll go for oral with an arabian mask over my head..
started studying at 830 today. stopped for lunch at 3 something. not hungry yet, so ate a few strands of spaghetti, left the rest for later and logged on to neopets for some absurd reason.
and immediately this person from the newbie board said i should be offline doing literature.
and i was like @#$%&@#%?!! what's wrong you? what's wrong with having a break?! stuff kitkat in your mouth ah. break you instead. ....
anyway, don't know why so obedient, went offline. did maths. did a maths. did half of literature.
did other practices. a lot of things lah. i don't know what. cos i wasn't thinking.
back started aching again, so went to the living room table. hours passed and brother came home from airforce school.
he opened the fridge, took out the remaining spaghetti and sauce and ate it all up.
and i stared hungrily. the aroma was so. omg.
then he switched on the tv and watched tongxinyuan.. i was quite upset lah, trying to study and not be tempted to go and watch too.. but couldn't. so
"aiyoh. can have some compassion?!"
"..."
"i was considerate when you were studying for ur a's and o's lor."
"how can like that? this is my FAVOURITE show. it's the only time i get to learn chinese now i've graduated you know." @#$%&?!@#$%@#&???
finally went back to my room. 2 more questions, won't die of the backache. blah.
then i started thinking about the times when he had his major exams. the days monster made me stay in my room to keep out of his way. told me not to watch tv, on the radio, use the comp, make loud noises because "brother has to study for his o levels..."
"then how come the night before my psle started you had so many people over until so late?"
"that's different. when you study for your o's i'll make sure you have a conducive environment to study in also."
yah. and you're barely at home this year to keep your monster junior from throwing wooden chairs at me when he has had a bad day. a wonderfully conducive environment you have provided me with. i express deep gratitude.
maybe i'm starting to be jealous of the love my parents give my brother. maybe i'm envious of his smartness.
but i know it's wrong to covet anything that belongs to someone else. so i try not to wish that i could have his good fortune.
sometimes i just wish.. that my parents could spare me more of their time.
or that i could find someone to confide in. to put my trust in. to share my love.
instead of just taking it away.
i dare tell myself that i've given my all at every opportunity, although i don't want to say so in personality tests, because that limits my perception of 'all'. but nothing much comes back.
and every night i ask the Lord. how come? but he doesn't answer.
so i think. maybe it's not enough. and i try harder the next day. and the next, and the next.
okay this is getting quite sad. let us not dwell on this dreary subject. -droll smile.
i met a cockroach outside the lift just now. it was large. it was humongous. i was petrified. then it went into the lift and i sent the lift down. HAHA. ((((:
what a nice neighbour i am. i'll put in a can of bygone the next time i step into that lift.
7:41 PM
reach for
the stars(:
___________________
++++++